The Finger of Blame

So I’ve recently come to notice that a number of females I know are getting knocked up…. AGAIN! None the less by guys that they barely know and when things start to head south with their “relationship” (as everybody already knew they would) they turn to Facebook to bitch incessantly about “How could he treat me like this? I have him everything BLAH BLAH BLAH”

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 A few words of advice for all of you ladies, birth control is your responsibility and I know a lot of you think that it is the man’s responsibility to carry condoms or go buy them but seriously…. ITS NOT, if you think that it’s embarrassing to go buy them or whatever, maybe you should realize that it’s your body that the child ends up inside of.  You don’t have a choice to walk away, yes I know that there are ‘options’ but if you choose not to utilize those tools that are placed before you for whatever reason then it’s YOU that ends up with a life-long commitment to a baby, not the dad!

I got very lucky when it came to the “baby daddy” category, we might not see eye to eye sometimes but he is a damn good father and the only reason that he is a good father is because it’s a choice he made on his own. He chose to stay and take care of his son…. Many other women are not as lucky as I am and especially in the age range that I am in. more often than not I hear “he doesn’t pay his child support and never comes to see his baby” NEWS FLASH: we all knew that was going to happen! The truth hurts sometimes, and you chose not to listen to the people around you telling you exactly what was going to happen… and oh wait! Hmmm, that’s odd… we were right!

So to all the ladies out there who annoyingly go on and on about what a piece of shit your baby daddy’s are. When you point the finger of blame, there are always 3 fingers pointing back at you. GET YOUR CHIT TOGETHER PLEASE AND THANK YOU!

the heart wants what the heart wants

Being a single mother AND a bartender I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have 2 big ‘handicaps’ (as most people would see them) for the dating world:

·         Bartending involves very odd work ours and a certain amount of flirting, innocent of course, but flirting nonetheless and most men see this as a threat to their ‘territory’ and want nothing to do with a woman who flirts with other men as a profession. Of course there is always the option of dating another bartender… HA who am I kidding! Even I won’t date a bartender.

·         Being a single mother well, do I really need to explain that one? As I have come to understand men see single motherhood as a woman being ‘used goods’, its almost like going to goodwill for a spouse.

That being said I must admit that these are slight road-bumps but if someone sees these things as flaws then why would I want to be with them anyways, right? Because everyone wants what they can’t have… that’s why!

As every woman does, I have dreams of the white picket fence with a baby on my hip, husband mowing the lawn and a pretty yellow lab playing with the older of my children in the yard as I bring lemonade out just as the perfect housewife would. Welcome to reality Ashley… these things will never happen and if they did, well, it would surely not be in conjunction!

I’ve heard of a fabled man who finds single mothers attractive because he can see how a woman parents her child and decide if he wants to have kids with her or something along those lines, but I have yet to meet such a man…. Well not one who will admit it anyways. I’m sure ‘said man’ exists somewhere on this big blue marble and if he does would someone please point him in my direction? Women literally FLOCK to men with kids… a 17 year old girl could see a man in the park with his 2 kids and be ready to drop her panties and make more babies with him in an instant… maybe it’s the natural instinct of a woman that drives this ‘hunger’ for the domestic life or maybe it’s because were all bat-shit crazy in one way or another.

Some part of me truly enjoys being single but there is always that little voice telling me to settle down and TRULY start a family, one with more than just my son and I. I know I should take my time and let it happen naturaly but the heart wants what the heart wants and we all get impatient from time to time!

Oh how things change!

  Sometimes I miss the freedom of being able to do whatever I pleased at any given time and not have to worry about "Is the diaper bag packed? When did he nap last? I hope he doesn't act like a little turd at the restaurant tonight. " but, at the same time even when he acts his worst and we live for a day in Tantrum City I still would never give it up!

 Its crazy how much motherhood can change a woman, and I'm certainly not saying its always for the better! My father has told me on more than one occasion "You needed that boy!" and I couldn't agree more! The life I was living before I got pregnant was one worth being ashamed of, drugs and alcohol ruled my existence and I lived life to party, had no interest in my family even though all they ever did was try to help me and I would turn on my friends in an instant if they tried to give me advice. NOT a healthy lifestyle in the least! Having Jude forced me to grow up and come to terms with the fact that I was a BAD person and had a lot of growing up to do. Don't get me wrong, I still go out and have the occasional cocktail or 'girls night' when my son is at his fathers house for the week but the catch is just that... I go out when he is at his fathers house, where he belongs! So many 'women' I know had kids and still remain the same person that they were before, the party girl who wants to drink every night and  let their parents raise their children. News Flash Ladies: YOUR PARENTS DID NOT HAVE YOUR CHILD! Grow the hell up and take responsibility for your actions! 

On the other hand, we have the select few mothers who I consider to be friends. The women who settled down  in the interest of their child, endured the sleepless nights no matter how tired they were and went damn near crazy because of this unexplainable and undeniable love for the life they created and CHOSE to bring into the world. These are the women I respect and call friend, because even though(chances are) they could have taken the easy route and pawned their kid off on their parents but, they didn't. 

Truth be told, I DO miss my freedom and I DO think that life would have been easier if I had done things 'the right way' (whatever that means) but one thing that I know for sure.... I LOVE BEING A MOM and no matter what life I "lived" before April 21st 2010.... I can say with more conviction than I have ever said anything, I was not living for anything and now I live for my only thing, My Jude!