the heart wants what the heart wants

Being a single mother AND a bartender I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have 2 big ‘handicaps’ (as most people would see them) for the dating world:

·         Bartending involves very odd work ours and a certain amount of flirting, innocent of course, but flirting nonetheless and most men see this as a threat to their ‘territory’ and want nothing to do with a woman who flirts with other men as a profession. Of course there is always the option of dating another bartender… HA who am I kidding! Even I won’t date a bartender.

·         Being a single mother well, do I really need to explain that one? As I have come to understand men see single motherhood as a woman being ‘used goods’, its almost like going to goodwill for a spouse.

That being said I must admit that these are slight road-bumps but if someone sees these things as flaws then why would I want to be with them anyways, right? Because everyone wants what they can’t have… that’s why!

As every woman does, I have dreams of the white picket fence with a baby on my hip, husband mowing the lawn and a pretty yellow lab playing with the older of my children in the yard as I bring lemonade out just as the perfect housewife would. Welcome to reality Ashley… these things will never happen and if they did, well, it would surely not be in conjunction!

I’ve heard of a fabled man who finds single mothers attractive because he can see how a woman parents her child and decide if he wants to have kids with her or something along those lines, but I have yet to meet such a man…. Well not one who will admit it anyways. I’m sure ‘said man’ exists somewhere on this big blue marble and if he does would someone please point him in my direction? Women literally FLOCK to men with kids… a 17 year old girl could see a man in the park with his 2 kids and be ready to drop her panties and make more babies with him in an instant… maybe it’s the natural instinct of a woman that drives this ‘hunger’ for the domestic life or maybe it’s because were all bat-shit crazy in one way or another.

Some part of me truly enjoys being single but there is always that little voice telling me to settle down and TRULY start a family, one with more than just my son and I. I know I should take my time and let it happen naturaly but the heart wants what the heart wants and we all get impatient from time to time!